I have been feeling very stressed since the holidays to the point of getting anxiety attacks, which I have to immediately counter with medications so I don’t feel worse.
Exhaustion. Burnt-out. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.
I know there have been many blessings these past months despite whatever humps I’ve run into. My exhaustion and anxiety, soaring to another level, blind me from appreciating all the recent blessings.
It is so difficult to think and stay positive while you are dealing with anxiety. When all these “what-if” thoughts take control and it takes so much mental effort to fight it down. Of course, the medicine helps to calm those raging and unreasonable anxiousness.
Medications. Another challenge. I have been wanting to reduce taking medications and learning to deal with it through more natural means, but the past weeks have not been good and I needed to. Otherwise, I’d probably be this very irritable and anxious monster.
I know I still have a lot to be thankful for, despite this rollercoaster struggle with anxiety. I am still thankful it is manageable. I am thankful I am sensitive to my body and can feel when an attack seems coming. I am thankful I can still find strength (especially mentally) to fight it. I just wish I can learn more ways to help myself.
I've always loved the water… can't resist it.
I've always been intrigued with mermaids in movies and stories.
So I guess I'm truly a water element. 😁
Link to test:
I finally took time to clean up the kids’ closet. While I was removing and storing away some old clothes which they’ve outgrown and don’t use anymore, I don’t exactly know how I feel.
Some small dresses reminds me of how little they were and it’s hard to imagine they were that small. It makes me smile trying to think especiallg of how little my eldest was before. Now she’s almost as tall as me and fits my clothes.
It feels like disposing of these clothes marks a finality in their childhood, although my youngest is still 10 (but her tastes have started to change).
It’s a final goodbye to their toddler years and their childhood years… My eldest is definitely a teen now and my youngest is entering her pre-teen years.
How time flies so fast! I feel sad that the days of their total dependence on us, cute silliness and sweetness are starting to disappear. 😞
If only we can freeze time and moments. 😕
Some of K & N’s fave dresses before 🙂
Saying goodbye to these clothes feel like saying goodbye to their childhood 😔
I am thankful for my daughters. They are my miracles every day. When my days are down, they are what keeps me going and striving and surviving.
Day 2. Trying to get back to some classic cardio on days I can’t go to Muay Thai training. Goal is to lose 5 lbs and maintain my weight at 105lbs. Weight today is almost 110lbs. Surprised to see that I seem to have gained weight in a week. 😱
Thank you for this night, for giving me this opportunity to serve you through one of the passions and talents you have embedded in me since I was young. Thank you for your confidence, your strength, courage and brilliance that you have shared with me tonight. Without it I know I would have been a nervous wreck, but surprisingly I felt calm than I usually am when playing in front of an audience.
Not in a million years did I think I will be doing this, playing for you, using your gift to honor you.
When I played tonight, it wasn’t perfect. Far from it. But playing with the group, something just clicked into place and felt so right.
Playing for you tonight felt like home.
“I can do allthings through Christ who strengthens mr.”
Earlier tonight while telling my daughters to sleep, I suddenly received an imessage on my phone. When I checked, it was from my youngest daughter. It then became an exchange of messages for a few minutes (note we were in the same room, only a few feet apart. She was in her bed beside ours).
I wish I could tangibly capture moments like this with my kids and preserve it forever. I wish they will always be this sweet. I wish they won’t grow up so fast.
Here goes our high-tech way of saying good night…
It’s so sad how sometimes it’s the people you love who kills your passions – whether consciously or unconsciously….
Repost from my other blog, My Cup of Tea:
Wow! It’s been almost two years since my last entry. Time flies when there are a lot of things to keep you busy. I miss my blogs and checking on other blogs.
I finally was able to get hold of the book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron last year. I had to order it from the US since I couldn’t find one in our local bookstores. You can order it in Powerbooks but it will still take time since they’re gonna order it outside as well and it will cost me more.
However, I still haven’t had the time to do the activities in the book. I would really want to try it and see if it will unlock and help me rediscover my creativity… All these daily stress have seem to dry up and bury my creative juices…
I didn’t realize it’s been more than a month that I haven’t posted anything here. The days just whizzed by.
Christmas also had passed and I didn’t even get to feel Christmas. It was the first time our family spent Christmas away from home. We were in Boracay, along with hubby’s side of the family… a planned vacation while his siblings (and family) who live abroad all went home for the holidays.
Although it was a great vacation, it was quite difficult to feel Christmas. We still celebrated with our traditional noche buena but i guess it wasn’t enough. Perhaps it was because of the lack of some activities such as the opening of gifts (especially with the kids’ excitement and anticipation), the very seldom heard Christmas songs in the air and the missing decor-filled ambiance.
It was like trying to celebrate Christmas on a hot summer day in the beach… hmmm… which was exactly what we did.
We returned home the day after Christmas. It felt strange to see all the unopened gifts under our Christmas tree. It was like being transported through time and going home realizing you missed some days.
This makes me wonder if I’ve become too dependent on external festivities and activities that we do on Christmas to make me feel it. If I truly understand what Christmas means, then should it matter where I spend it?